Another Day Behind Us

It is bedtime here and everyone is getting ready to retire. Even the dogs seem tired tonight. Not much to report or even pull out of my head other than I am thankful we have completed another day in the journey. Kaye is still stopped up but did complete some PT today. We were able to have dinner with Chris Wills who is very special to me. I love his smile and his great big old hug. Checked on all my kids via blogs, Caringbridge and email. Each is traveling their own journey, some are in the hospital awaiting a test, chemo or operation. My heart is a big ole place these days because I carry each one of them and then fill the Throne Room in heaven with many requests. I hurt for these parents and even for us as we all await that wonderful end and the statement..."All Clear, No Cancer, You are Done". Just cannot wait!

Remembering

Each Christmas brings thoughts of times past and for me smells, colors, and activities bring special people into my thoughts. People who are still right here with me and many who have gone through heaven's gates. For some reason, the smells of Christmas time remind me of my mother. I loved her so and enjoyed spending time with her. She was so talented with her hands and could make anything, clothes, anything for the house and yes even upholstering chairs! Many have told me this is grieving for me and perhaps it is but grieving does not depress me like others. I welcome all the memories of special times with loved ones. I am thankful I can even remember anything these days. Oh yes, tears do come but that makes me love them even more.

Remembering is important, that is how we continue to keep them alive. Traditions are also very important and we live through each tradition. I pray I will have a legacy that is left one day to all the people I love so much. A legacy of understanding, compassion, mercy, fun, laughter and loving people. Even those who are not here. I have several Christmas songs that I love love. David will tell you I could listen all year long but the one that brings such feelings of how much I love my parents and miss them is Celebrate Me Home. When that song comes on, where ever I am, I will stop, take a deep breath and dance. Be Still and Remember, its ok.

Simply Wait

Tomorrow I will begin an Advent Devotional entitled "Simply Wait". I am very excited and I have had the book for more than 3 weeks. I put it away so I would not sneak and begin early. There are four weeks in the Advent Season: Anticipation, Hope, Patience and Obedience. I am truly looking forward to this time I will put aside to read, pray and worship. I feel blessed because I need these next four weeks of word, stillness, being close to God and also because I know the author personally. Pam Hawkins has entered into my life and caused a stirring of my soul that makes me want so much more in my spiritual life. I begin with the following: "contemplative prayer, prayer that finds its home not in busy doing or speaking but in becoming, in being."

This past year have taken me to the lowest and also high on the mountain top. I need, I want to stop, be still and continue to rest in God's arms, right in the middle of his lap. I must keep looking, pressing forward but I know his warmth will cover me and help guide me through the rest of my journey, the one of this year and many years to come. Prayer, stillness, being...this is my desire for the next four weeks.

Family Time

I know all of you are completely upset with me, but what can I say, I failed you, I promise I have not been sitting on the couch wasting away, since Wednesday night we have been in Georgia enjoying family and friends. We have had such a wonderful time. Thanksgiving was such an awesome time with my family then we celebrated with the Arnolds on Saturday. All of us were at Granny and Papa's from 12 noon until that evening. I know mom was thrilled to have all of us under one roof. It was great fun cooking, watching football and enjoying one another.

We went to church today and I felt so thankful for my family and church family. Kaye had a wonderful time catching up with all the youth. Then off again to celebrate. Today is Will and Papa's birthday. Papa is 70 and Will turned 22. We all met and went out to eat. Great, Great fun. Now we are with Brenda and Steve and then tomorrow we will travel home to Tennessee. We have had such a wonderful time however, I will admit, I am looking forward to my own bed. Once home the "Pulling Down Of The Christmas Stuff" will begin and before we know it, Christmas will be here. I keep thinking about where we were last year and feeling so thankful that Kaye has come so far. She is not feeling great today but that has been her pattern for a few months now. Sundays and Mondays are hard then her body begins to recover. Well, memories were made, smiles and hugs were all around us so I feel complete. I can go home now.

Please Don't Hate Me

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, all I can say is Sorry. We have so enjoyed our time with family that I fall into bed late at night after I have laughed all day. I will admit that it took more than 5 hours to travel home. I truly don't like traveling during the holidays but what is a girl to do. The travel was so bad we got off Interstate 24 and took Interstate 59 and the GPS directed us over Lookout Mountain, yes, I did say OVER. It was crazy, lots of fog and rain but once we got back on the interstate, there was no traffic and we were on 75. We looked at the route we took on the computer the next day and that was when David completely understood when the car was telling us we were going North, then South, then South East, then North East. I would love to do the route again when the sun is shinning and I could see the view from way up high. Still home enjoying fun with family and friends. I am at Caroline and Mike's right now so I just had to blog. She is my teacher you know. I have to make her proud. Love to you all and Peace Out

Tis The Season

Well, tomorrow at this time we will be pulling into Canton, Ga. and our Thanksgiving weekend will begin. I love love love the holidays and I am so excited to be with everyone in Georgia. We have lots of plans and I just cannot wait until Shannon and I are in Mom's house with the IPOD on and cooking and laughing and helping mom get ready. Seeing both my brothers will be wonderful and just hanging out and making memories. I will have all three of my jewels around me and I just can not stand it. We will also do some celebrating while home, both Will and Papa's birthday on Sunday and also Emmi-Kate's dedication. The weather will get cold so I know we will have a fire at Hank's. Fun Fun. Lots of kitchen time and those that know me well know I love hanging out in the kitchen, cooking and yes dancing. We have so much to be thankful for this year. Kaye is feeling pretty good. When I look back on the pictures from last year I can see how sick she was. She is much better even though the chemo seems to be pulling her counts down some. God has taken such great care of us and we do indeed have so much to celebrate. Hoping each of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and go ahead try making the green jello salad. Yes, I know it is the "special" receipt and only the selected one can do the task. But we all know if you are selected, you have arrived. I have a very special friend who holds this title and I am very proud of her. Peace Out!

We Have Begun The Season

I am down on the computer while David & Kaye are upstairs watching the Monday Night Football game. The Titans are losing by 7 points so I must hurry and go help pull the team through. Today was ok, Kaye is hurting some and I have seen that the pattern is Friday-Sunday seems to be bad days and Monday is just a day to recover. She takes so much chemo on the weekend and her little body is screaming STOP RIGHT NOW!

On another note, I want to go ahead and throw out something that just gets on my nerves. Rude People! I just don't understand why people choose to be rude. But for some reason starting this week and then continuing through the end of December, people just loose their minds and many are just Ruddies! Please, Please, leave early, plan your day, know what you want, need and must accomplish so you do not have to be a RUDE person. This is a season of Hope, a season of anticipation. Please don't cause some of us to loose our joy because you are rude. There, I feel so much better. Yeap, you got it, I ran across three Rude people today that just need a spanking from their momma. Peace Out

Simply Wait

I know right now there will be another entry with this title because I have the honor of attending a retreat this afternoon that will be hosted by Pam Hawkins. As I get ready to travel to Belle Meade United Methodist Church and I ponder the title I just cannot help but look back over my life and can see God's hand and His awesomeness. I can tell you that I have been taught it is very important to just Simply Wait.

Pam is a wonderful person who God brought into my life when Kaye began her journey here in Tennessee. She is the associate pastor and our dear friends Donna & Steve Harrison attend this church. We began our relationship with visits in the hospital and then she told Kaye of her journey with chemo when she was a freshman in college. A very cool relationship began and there were several things about this woman that I fell in love with:

1. She was real, not fake, right from the start
2. She truly understood where we were and never tried to tell us, "I've been there......" She just
was there.
3. Her prayers have to be straight from heaven, I have never been with a woman who once she
said "Amen" I truly felt covered with love and grace.
4. She not once wanted anything in return, just wanted to be with us, create smiles, cry with
me when I did not even understand the tears.
5. She likes Starbuck Coffee, a huge plus for Kaye
6. She was never afraid to show the human side of she was
7. She reminded me "Sharliss, Just Simply Wait"

Well, when I found out she was the author of a book, I could not wait to get a copy. Of course she took the time to write inside the cover. She wrote just to me the following:

"May you wait as a woman who trusts God beyond any human imagination. May God bless your going outs and your coming in- through Advent and Beyond."

You see the book is an advent devotional. I have had to hide this book from myself so I will wait to begin during Advent. I am so excited! Today at 4 p.m. I will sit and listen to my friend speak words of love, wisdom and to remind me how to Simply Wait.

Saturday Night Date

David and I were invited to attend the "Taco Date" with Katherine tonight. Cam came over this morning and ask if we could come for soup tonight. We said "Of Course". Mainly because Ms. Sharliss loves little boys. Once we arrived, I had to have a big hug and kiss from this sweet little man and we had such a wonderful time with sweet neighbors. The Taco Soup was awesome and playing and laughing was even better. The night is cool and crisp up here and now we are getting ready for bed because we will get up tomorrow morning and attend church together as a family, something we have not done here since Kaye has been sick. I am so excited. Kaye on the other hand is a little down because we adults want to attend the 9:30 a.m. service, she will have to "get up" early. Oh well, the life of a teenager.

Kaye and I are also starting something we have never done before. We are making a quilt! Caroline gave us some great advice and now we will do this project together. I am looking forward to teaching Kaye how to use the sewing machine a little and then we will settle in, watch some movies, girlie movies of course, and do everything else by hand. It will be fun and then we will have a beautiful item from the fruit of our hands. Peace Out.

It's Friday

Yes, I know I missed Thursday. The day was full of finishing tasks and driving home very late. I just could not sit in front of the computer, I had to sleep. As for today, it was beautiful in Franklin, TN. I have a beautiful tree in the front yard that is covered with red leaves. We went to lunch with Jasmine from our home church it was great fun, lots of love and smiles. Then we were treated by the Manuel family to a fine dinner and then to see the Blue Man Group. I must say, it was different from anything I have ever seen but it was so much fun getting out and having fun with a group of people. David, Katherine and I had so much fun. Now we are home, getting ready for a nice nights sleep under the new heating blanket that David purchased while we were home. Well, hope to have more time to empty my mind tomorrow. Peace Out

Dang I Missed By 15 Minutes

I just had to put on my PJ's and that made me late. Oh well, just a time thing. The rain brought so much more than just water today. It was a lovely day, a day full of completion. I feel like I can take a deep breath and if feels good. I pray each of you sleep tonight. Blessings.

God Is Good All The Time and All The Time God Is Good

I thought of that phrase many times today. It was not has hectic and many of my prayers were answered today. Katherine was also able to have lunch with some friends who have not seen her since she was in the hospital in January. I enjoyed watching their face as she walked across the parking lot. I felt warm arms around me today. I washed lots of dirty clothes but enjoyed doing the "momma" thing. Tomorrow will be a day that makes such an impact. I am praying it will be a lovely day. Then I will rest tomorrow night. God is God All The Time and All The Time God Is Good. Thank you Ms. Elaine for teaching me how to truly be a good momma.

A Day Is Just 24 Hours

It still amazes me how a day is 24 hours but you can only cross off two or three items off your "to do list". But there are just some days like that. Today was a good day. A day that I accomplished some important tasks that helped my heart and I thanked God that I was the vessel He used. Life can be so hard but when you are the vessel that is being used. It is a good feeling when the day is done.

Processing

Today was a day full of "processing". I did just that all day. I began at Mike & Caroline's church, Stonebridge, which is a new wonderful church right on the square in Marietta. My first thought was "no one will know me there and I can just hide, be, worship and no questions". I then was surrounded with lots of love, music and then a message about Reaping What You Sow and of course Mercy. I Processed this message all day and thank my Lord that he sent it to me just in time. The rest of the day was a true day of Processing. I moved from one line to another, followed rules and directions and then did one task at a time. The entire required task is not complete yet because I do not have all the requests needed to even begin the process however, I am very tired, spent, and empty. I will get up in the morning and begin another process and pray I will be told....you have finished, completed, checked off and it is all good. Rest, sleep and a heart of memories will help me sleep tonight. I pray hard for my jewels, be safe, be strong, move forward, don't get stuck in the moment. Keep your eyes forward and believe you can keep moving. "I carry your heart".

My Head is Full

I wished I could say "when my head is full" I knew just what I was thinking and how to put everything into a file folder and out of my thoughts and then just deal with one file folder at a time but that is truly not how life is. Tonight my head/mind is going 90 to nothing, it is full to the brim and it is now to the point that it hurts to much to "file" anything else. This life can be so tough even when you cannot put your arms totally around all the events. Breath, and just try to pick up on folder at a time.

Isn't She Lovely

It was a magical night. The Arnold girls love to dress up and of course once we were there David figured out that the majority of the men wore Jeans, Boots, White Shirt and Cowboy hat. I did inform him that their "outfit" cost more than both the outfits Kaye and I wore. He did not mind at all, once seated, her removed his coat and tie. The picture of David and Kaye is outside during the Red Carpet event. We were given Gibson T-Shirts and had to wear them. We did not mind because it was another layer of clothes to keep us warm. The other two pictures are of Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift. There dresses were just beautiful. Well, there is my blog for tonight. Hoping to turn in early so I can get some rest.

Good News

I am tired tonight but am thankful I can give some good new regarding Kaye's legs. Pretty much it all boils do to her muscles are not strong enough to support her and her leg bones and knees are trying to do all the work and are creating lots of pain. She does have Osteonecrosis however, very early and with the change in meds she should not have long lasting complications. We have to work very hard with her leg muscles. So more on our plate, but we will make new goals.

She had a blast at the CMA Awards. I must admit, she was thrilled about the Red Carpet event but it truly was crazy, she informed me that next year she will ask Make A Wish to be inside the Tent not outside. My girl knows what she wants. The night was great, all the people worked hard to help us with her wheelchair and make everything very smooth. Kaye had a smile on her face the entire night. I caught her singing almost every song, dancing along and she had her feet up in the seat sitting Indian style. Yes, that is right, her long chocolate gown sitting Indian style. There was lots of moving parts so we could all be together downtown at 3:45 p.m. But it all came together and was so much fun. The music was awesome. Another memory, another night to be thankful I was there enjoying watching her enjoy the event. I loved being mom!

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

I know all of you have been waiting for this post, there was no way I could just go to bed without at least telling you WE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME AT THE CMA AWARDS! Yeap, we got to even attended the Red Carpet event. It is late, Kaye is very tired and we have to get in the bed because we have to get up early so she can go back to Vandy and we can see the Sports Medicine Doctor. I promise, I will give you all the scoop tomorrow. It was a blast and even David enjoyed the show. I will see you tomorrow. Love Love

Hey Hey Hey

I pray your day was blessed, ours was! Kaye's counts were down but still stable. She and India discussed her legs and knees and we have entered into another "avenue" on this journey but when we left, she had a smile on her face and that is just fine with this momma! Still in the wheel chair but moving forward and no tears!

Once again, God spoke to me right there in the mist of that chemo clinic. I have to admit, I am one who hates to be still, even when we go to clinic I have "something" to do, magazines or something to read, well need I even say God spoke to me! Put that book down and look around. So many kids hurting and momma's needing a smile, a hand on their shoulder and yes, just hold open the dang door. We just need to be still and look around today, not next week, today dang it! We all wait until we are in such need to listen for an answer, today I had the entire day with Kaye in that wheel chair, she was not happy but not hurting and as usual, I was moving fast to the next item on the To Do List. I stopped, no tears, no throwing up and as long as she was in the wheel chair, no pain. Deep Breath and a huge thank you! I felt like I was on a mountain top, breathing easier, moving slower. Praise, Praise, Praise! I am sure the mountain top that Peter, John and James went to was so amazing but I know that even in Franklin, Tennessee, with all its beautiful trees can be a mountain top for me. Kaye gained another pound, 105! Thursday will be the day with the Sports Medicine doctor. David and I will go together and be with her as he tells her the next phase, I know all will be just fine. The circle around us is close and tight. Thanks so much my Lord and also the hearts and hands that extend to us each and everyday. Blessings.

"You Have No Connection"

This is the message that kept popping up on our computer tonight. We had a storm so of course something has gone "crazy" with our home computer but I am once again thankful to all the friends who pitched in and bought me a wonderful laptop all of my own. I plugged it in and now I can continue. I will have to call my favorite Chris Boy (Chris Wills) and ask him to walk me through getting my home computer up and talking to the internet.

This title made me think how we just take for grant the next thing in our day, things that seem to be so easy. All so while having some quiet time, I thanked Jesus for always being there for me and never leaving me. He never walks away or pushes me to the side. There is always a connection. I spent time with the Lord talking about Kaye and the new issues we will bring to the table tomorrow when we talk with India. I do have a peace right now because I know we are not alone and I also see the courage Kaye has. Even when her legs and knees are killing her, she is so determined to complete the task as hand. I will admit, every now and then she will turn to David and say "daddy, can you just carry me, I am tired". That is just how I feel when I stand in the presence of Jesus and I cannot take another step.

Also, Have I told you I hate this new time thing? It gets dark here, I mean dark by 5 p.m. I hate it, but that is another talk for another day. Praying you are still for just a few minutes and feel a big ole hug just from me. Blessings. Good night!

There Is A Time For Everything

In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told that "there is a time for everything". My life has been full of many trials and journeys. Some that scared me and I begged God to get me out fast, others I even understood why I was in them but I can honestly say, today, every trial and journey I have walked, I have learned so much from. This weekend, my dear friend Caroline Bedingfield talked about something that sure hit home for me. And it caused me to think. "When we are in the mist of something, we think that it will never end." You know like when you have a new born, a new momma thinks, I will never ever sleep through the night again, or when you have teenagers you are in the mist of storms that will never calm.

Right then I began thinking about this last year. This storm stinks and it has been hard and I will admit, it has been all consuming. But as will travel to another place in this journey I look back and am sometimes angry with myself because I could not see passed the storm. Now when a new wall seems to be up around us with all this knee stuff, David reminds me "from whence we came", boy the huge stormy seas and how God has calmed so much. Again, I am thankful for the journey I am so humbled by how Kaye has preserved and again I remember the words in James 'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.' James 1:2-4

So for all the roads traveled, hurt, abandonment, loneliness, fear, the unknown, CANCER I will say, I count it all joy because I do view things through a different pair of glasses. The main thing these trials and journeys have taught me is to stop, to be still, and to listen and then enjoy even just that moment for it will be gone and then we will be on to the next season in just a blink.

My Thoughts

I have thought long and hard about this thing called "A Blog". So many have no idea what, why, how, what for? Well, join the crowd. I just happen to be a mama that has been housed up with a sick child and wanted and need interaction with people, yes even mean ones! Anyhow, I have enjoyed reading others' blogs and laughing and crying and yes even cussing right along with them. This big old world is just big and if we just sit still in our own little box, it will pass us right on by so, I want to put in thoughts in words so even I can try to make some kind of sense of right now. If you really want the total truth, I wanted to do this because I can type forever and there is no limit like the Caringbridge Site and I can add pictures. That is pretty important stuff when you live 4 hours away from so many that you love and want to be loved by.

So here we are on Day 3, I wish I had something I could just give you but all I have is my life. Yesterday was wonderful in so many ways and then, just like satan likes to do, the dang rug was pulled out from under me and I let is consume me. Dr. India told us the MRI showed that Kaye has a stress fracture just below her right knee and the beginning stages of Osteonecrosis. Just let me say the Internet is a wonderful tool but it can also scare the dang heart out of someone. We understand stress fractures but that other word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was mad when my sweet girl who is doing so well had tears in her eyes and more questions. Questions I could not answer and let me tell you I DO NOT LIKE THAT! We will know more on Tuesday but we know she will not take steroids for a while or maybe never again. Anyway, another "side road" to this journey. I have asked so many to pray, pray, pray. No permanent damage of any kind.

Also just to make things a little more CRAZY, I got bit by something, we thought a spider out in the yard but the doctors say it is another inset. That just made me roll my eyes but the places on my leg look bad and they have to be watched. Is that just not the dumbest thing? I also had to get a shot!!!!!!!!!!! If you just need one more thing to pray about, add that to the list. This is the end.

Day 2

Hahaha, what a great title! Here we go! Caroline is here and has helped me put this together. I hope I will do this justice. We have had a grand time tonight with Mike and Caroline. We went to the opening of Jake's House. It is a Life is Good store in the Green Hills area. We were also introduced to "the brothers". The two brothers who started this line of clothing while in college. John and Bert were very cool and John really enjoyed meeting Katherine. Ok, so now I will tell you what Kaye and I did today. We went and had professional pictures made of Katherine. Six outfits and 3 hours later she was worn out but we had so much fun. She is truly a beautiful child/girl and I can just tell you that we will have lots of pictures to choose from. No, JC Penny or Sears for our princess, a beautiful studio, lots of fun and the only thing she had to "work" at was being mean. Well, it is late and I must close my eyes.