Tuesday, November 4, 2008

To Go or Not To Go

The past few years we have had to ask ourselves this question so many times. With Kaye and "being" around people, we have had to truly think about every step we make. Even around family and our dearest friends, we have had to say "no". This week Kaye asked herself this question, not because of her body but because of her heart. You see, Monday was Matthew's service, a time to say goodbye, a time to close the chapter for this sweet young man. Kaye truly had a hard time because she was so torn about going. She had prayed so hard for God to bring Matthew through, to allow him to "make it" andthen be able to have a reason for a grand testimony. We did not go to the service. She was filled with wonder of what people thought. "Why did Matthew die and not others?" "Why was he so sick and his body could not handle it and mine did?" Kaye has asked herself that many times and I just cannot answer that question for her. She wants to see Tricia and Jeff, hug them and be able to minister to them but wanted to wait and do it in the way and time God would have us to. She amazes me. I know her heart continues to hurt but she is so much wiser with her emotions than others. So, we will wait for a few weeks, then travel up to see them and I pray she will be able to bring a smile to their face and then she will embrace them and they will feel the love and honest joy of this sweet young girl having the opportunity to meet their family and having the chance to get to know Matthew. Our time here is like a breath and I want to make every breath count. I see her walking in those shoes and that makes me more proud than I could ever say. I pray my children will dream big but will keep their focus small and true. We can all do so much, running around like chickens with our heads cut off, doing, doing, doing.....but I want to do it well, I want to matter. Matthew was only here for 15 years and I will say, he did it well and truly what he did mattered.