Friday, January 22, 2010

Been Away For A While! But I Am Back

It is January 22nd so we can say that 2010 is truly underway. My last post was in July and I must say I did a very long and detailed post with many pictures telling everyone about our Make A Wish trip to the Hamptons. As you can tell, taking the time to sit down and blog has not been first on my list of things to do. With the holidays, birthday celebrations and just day to day life, it seems the minutes and hours of the day have been full.

Several things have promoted me to "get better in 2010". First, we seem to think about what we want to accomplish during the year in January and also we look back at what we did not accomplish in the year prior. I even put a question before all my guest prior to the blessing of our New Year's Dinner of "What two things do you want to accomplish this year?". Of course I received instant whining because they thought it should just be one thing, but several were going to graduate from high school and college this year and that my friend was too easy. David prayed, we ate a wonderful meal and I allowed the question to leave the room for several hours. After all the dishes were done, which by the way was more work than usual because my dishwasher broke the minute the Wood and Smith family arrived, and once all the dishes were put away, I sat on the counter of the kitchen and began asking everyone to give me their answer. The usual answers were the goals regarding Exercise, Health, School, and even Passion such as minstry were spoken. I loved listening to all the "reasons" and also how they planned to accomplish these goals. I am hoping I will have all 12 people back in my home at the end of the year and see how many accomplished their goals. And what God showed them along the way.

As for me, it was simple, I wanted to be better about Exercise and my Health, you know I am not getting any younger and it seems my body tells me everyday how I have abused it in times past. Also, the task of "trying to matter" is very important to me. I want to work where God truly wants me to be because I will have three children in college all at the same time and I want to help in every way I can. For this reason, I feel I need some extra training in various areas to beef up my knowledge so I can be a better assist to the company who employs me. Also, God has stirred my heart in the area of digging deeper in His word and allowing myself to be transparent in helping other women who are struggling with life. Of course it is so easy to be helpful to your friends and family, they are right there and know you for who you are. But I want God to truly use me where I am all the time. Yeap, I know what you are thinking, "Sharliss Jane you have just set yourself up for the devil to come and hit you right between the eyes." Well, he has thought in times past that he could take me down, but he has not accomplished that so I know God knows just what He is doing.

As many of you know, I have been keeping a Caring Bridge Site for Katherine, my unbelievable daughter who showed me so much courage and grace while she struggled through 813 days of chemo treatment. I have shown through my entries that God was with us each and every day. Several people have made the statement "The Caring Bridge Site seems like a blog now" and now that Katherine is better, they truly do not read my updates and they sure don't sign the guest book with words of encouragement and for a moment, those words stung because I feel in my heart I want to continue the site to allow people to see Katherine's walk, but a part of me understands how they feel, but God will not let me stop "talking".

So here I am, pouring over a blog named Sharliss Jane. I have not stopped the Caring Bridge Site and I feel I will know the right time, perhaps it will be Katherine who tells me to stop, we will see what the days hold. As for me, well, "I am just trying to matter". Truly. God has put so many thoughts in my head that some days it is just too heavy to walk around with.

Another area that I am determined to accomplish is true scheduled exercise at least three times a week. This means I get up two times a week with my sweet husband around 5:30 a.m. yes, it is dark when I try to open my eyes and go to the gym for one hour. Of course I hate it, but when I leave, I feel wonderful and the day seems to have "something extra". Now, don't get all excited, I have only been doing this for two weeks, so I still have a long way to go to make this a "life style" change. I am focused on my Core. I know that if I concentrate on strengthening this area, it will pay off all the way around.

My daily quiet time has been full of excitement, tears, talking....ok, screaming out loud and then days where I just sit and allow Him to love on me as I weep with a heavy heart. These are the times that I know I am strengthening my Spiritual Core and yes again, it will affect my daily walk with the Lord and His directions. I have begun a study of the book of Ruth and I am so excited. I have traveled many journeys in my life that have made me feel like I was all alone, hungry, scared, lifeless and even questioning God but I continued walking because there was always someone to help me move forward. So I did with eight other women at my table and I have the honor of leading and encouraging them to dig deep and see what God wants to show them through this study.

As I began the study, it struck me when the author said "Godliness affects things. It matters not just on the front row of church or when we get to heaven but in all things, right now." In times past I have spent lots of time on things that seemed so important at the time but exhausted and frustrated me especially when my heart was never touched.

While friends, I am almost 50, in fact, I will turn 49 this year and I plan on listening to God and my heart and when the year is complete I do pray I am exhausted with the work and direction He has asked me to launch into. Yes, I want this year to matter and to be one that will be a corner stone in the years to come.

So, what are your goals my friend? You may only have two but you could also be like me and only talk about the two but you have about 20 that are stirring in your heart.